First, I want to explain the blog title “superheromamajen.” Back before I was 43, I used to be really fast. I’m not known for being athletic among my siblings; that’s reserved for my younger brother who went to college on a track scholarship, but I really was fast. My husband used to tease me about it, and I could tell he didn’t believe me. One day when we were taking a walk, he made some comment about it, so I just took off running. And I could hear my son, who was around three at the time shouting behind me, “You’re a superhero mama!” It made me feel even faster knowing in that moment that was how he saw me. In his eyes, I could do anything and knew everything. That was around the time I started this blog, so I went with the title being both facetious and optimistic.
That brings us to today. He’s twelve. Twelve! I’m not cliched enough to talk about the passage of time and blinks of the eye but know I’m thinking it. My son and I still have a good relationship, depending on your definition of good, but I find myself navigating all the terrifying waters of the tween years. I know they just don’t sneak up on you and it’s a process, but it feels like they did. Especially when I Iook back on my previous posts and remember the feels of that time. To be honest, I don’t really get all weepy when I look back because I remember how hard it was. Yes, there were so many moments of joy, but it’s not a time I’d want to go through all over again. I don’t sniff his old baby clothes which, ironically, I’ve heard makes me a weirdo.
Instead, despite of all the landmines, I like twelve even though I don’t think he’d describe me as a “superhero” any longer. While I miss being able to run “super fast,” I’m happy that I’ve shed the title. It means I’m doing something right. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a superhero apologize, but I’m quick to admit when I’m wrong. I ask questions. We talk about a lot of things, and I let him know when I’m unsure of what the answer is. I’m quick to express regret for yelling when I shouldn’t have, not taking the time to hear him speak, jumping to conclusions, and getting so wrapped up in myself that I stop seeing him. I don’t know what it’s like to be twelve in 2022. While I was once twelve, obviously, things have changed so much. Again, obviously. As a parent, it’s my job to help him understand the world we are living in as I attempt to understand it myself.
My husband’s in the trenches alongside us, and I’m so thankful. I’m even more thankful that in a world that has deemed truth as relative or subjective, I can point my son to God’s Word. It’s not what I think that matters. Yes, I realize that I may lose some people now as they didn’t see that coming and that’s okay. I hope you’ll keep reading, but you may not be open or ready to hear what I have to say. The good news is that I don’t need outside approval and that is something that I’ve been seeking most of my life in some form or other. While I’ll always be a work in progress, I’m thankful that it no longer consumes me. Relationships have been an idol for me. I desperately wanted to be seen, heard, valued, and needed. I wanted to have a constant “go to” when life got overwhelming. I wanted to be that someone that heard all the secrets and was chosen first above everyone and everything. And…I had that. But guess what, it still wasn’t enough. Relationships can be a blessing from God but not when they become your god.
How do I know if it’s my god? I’m glad you asked. Jesus said in Matthew 6:21 “For where your treasure is, there you heart will be also.” Often this is linked with material things, but to treasure means to find value in a person or thing. So ask yourself, what do I treasure most? If it’s anything besides the Lord, then it has taken ownership in your heart. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t treasure your relationships, but do any of them take precedence over your relationship with God? A good test for that is to look at your day and see where most of your energy is devoted. I’m not about to lay out how much time you should spend reading your bible. I don’t know your life! Instead, ask the Lord to help you take an honest assessment of how you are spending your time and energy. Ask, where do most of my thoughts go?
Also, here’s what I took away from my devotional time this morning which prompted me to write this blog today. If you are reading your bible, are you using it like a good luck charm? In Samuel 4, the Philistines defeat the Israelites and capture the ark of the covenant which was their most important sacred object. “They believe that the ark is God’s throne, the place that represents God’s presence among them. But as years pass, the people become less interested in God and more interested in using the ark as a good luck charm. They begin to trust in the “power” of the ark itself rather than the Power behind it. After the ark is taken away, the people are devastated. The feel that with the ark gone, God’s glory and presence have also departed.” (Women of Faith Study Bible 427)
How does that relate to me in 2022? I admit there are times when reading my bible in the morning is just something I’m checking off my list. If I don’t get it done, I’m going to have a bad day. It doesn’t even matter if I’m processing or meditating on what the Word is saying. Instead, I’ve turned it into a good luck charm. Or, even though I wouldn’t say it out loud, maybe I thought God would punish me with a bad day because I didn’t complete the ritual. This definitely shows a lack of understand of who God is on my part.
I was forgetting Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.” You mind isn’t renewed by the ritual. It is renewed by the absorbing and applying God’s teachings in the Word. I just finished watching Pastor Allen Nolan from Cornerstone Fellowship on Youtube. He recommends asking God the following three questions every time you spend time reading the Word:
- In the passage of scripture that I just read, is there a command I should obey, an example I should follow, or a principle I should live by?
- How am I going to obey what I learned today?
- How did I obey what I learned yesterday?
Also, I know it can be difficult to understand certain parts of the Bible. That’s why I rely on additional teachings and readings that help me interpret what’s being said and provide historical context which is often essential. (Ask God for discernment with these! Sadly, not all “Christian” teachers will lead you to Christ.) Even more importantly, I also ask God to help me understand it, and I read the section before I read any commentary on it. I make a list of questions and attempt to understand what I can from what God has already taught me. I’m only in Samuel, and I can’t even tell you when I started. In other words, I can’t brag about reading the entire bible in a year. My words from earlier echo back to me…
While I miss being able to run “super fast,” I’m happy that I’ve shed the title. It means I’m doing something right… I’m quick to admit when I’m wrong. I ask questions. We talk about a lot of things, and I let Him know when I’m unsure of what the answer is. I’m quick to express regret for yelling when I shouldn’t have, not taking the time to hear Him speak, jumping to conclusions, and getting so wrapped up in myself that I stop seeing Him—Jesus Christ--my Lord and my Savior.