Yes, I only have one child. You have four children? Two? Sixteen? Well, good for you. No, that wasn’t meant to be taken sarcastically. If that is your magical family number, then go you. Ours is one. I have one son with no immediate plans to have any more children. I don’t like the term “one and done” because who knows what’s it is in store for us down the road. Right now though, it’s looking like he’s it. I don’t have an upsetting story to accompany this, and I don’t feel obligated to give you all of the reasons that this is the case. I don’t go up to people with multiple children and say, “Um, why do you have more than one kid? Aren’t you worried about them all vying for your attention at once? You know, studies show that only children are higher achievers and demonstrate stronger leadership skills. Did you miss that article before you had your second? How in the world are you going to pay for college for all of them? Do you know how expensive it is? And don’t even get me started on the middle child drama. We are talking epic lifelong therapy sessions in the future. How in the world are you going to pay for that on top of the college bills?” I don’t do that, but maybe that’s happened to you before. If it has, I’m sorry that someone would think they have the right to comment on your procreating decisions like that.
I just saw this diaper commercial, in an attempt to be funny and, of course, sell more diapers, they show a woman interviewing her babysitter and tsking over the fact she doesn’t have a PhD in Early Childhood education as she asks if she can tape their interview. The potential sitter is well dressed in a pantsuit, professional, and seemingly the ideal candidate for anyone needing to leave their child for the first time. Flash forward, and the same mother is running out the door, thrusting her child at a young woman dressed in all black, and she advises her to take out the nose ring because more than likely her child will pull it out for her. The underlying message—first time mothers are way over protective and those with more than one child don’t care as much about their children. Yeah yeah yeah yeah…I’m being overly sensitive. It’s just a commercial, and I should lighten up. (It’s also perpetuating the ridiculous stereotype of appearances as it suggests that if you have a nose ring and wear black, you can’t be as qualified as someone who wears pearls, but one battle at a time.) For me though, there’s another message—if you only have one child, you will always go overboard with everything. You’ll never learn to relax, go with the flow, and you definitely won’t be accepted into the motherhood club. We don’t have a secret handshake, but we do wink at one another when see “first time” mothers packing too much stuff for the park.
Over the years, when I’ve given my opinion on parenting or mentioned what we do with my son, there’s this dismissiveness that comes from some parents with more than one child. As if I can’t possibly know what I’m talking about. They think I just don’t “get it.” Yes, I know that the experience is different when you have more than one child. I know it’s difficult, and I know I can’t possibly understand because having siblings and taking care of multiple children that aren’t your own just isn’t the same thing. Yes, okay, you are right.
I have, however, successfully kept my son alive for almost six years, so please don’t just dismiss me because you’ve decided being a parent of “one” isn’t real parenting. To me, it’s the equivalent of shaming a woman who has had a C-Section. For the record, I also had one of those. I didn’t get the mommy merit badge that time either, but I did end up with a perfectly healthy baby boy.
I just saw this diaper commercial, in an attempt to be funny and, of course, sell more diapers, they show a woman interviewing her babysitter and tsking over the fact she doesn’t have a PhD in Early Childhood education as she asks if she can tape their interview. The potential sitter is well dressed in a pantsuit, professional, and seemingly the ideal candidate for anyone needing to leave their child for the first time. Flash forward, and the same mother is running out the door, thrusting her child at a young woman dressed in all black, and she advises her to take out the nose ring because more than likely her child will pull it out for her. The underlying message—first time mothers are way over protective and those with more than one child don’t care as much about their children. Yeah yeah yeah yeah…I’m being overly sensitive. It’s just a commercial, and I should lighten up. (It’s also perpetuating the ridiculous stereotype of appearances as it suggests that if you have a nose ring and wear black, you can’t be as qualified as someone who wears pearls, but one battle at a time.) For me though, there’s another message—if you only have one child, you will always go overboard with everything. You’ll never learn to relax, go with the flow, and you definitely won’t be accepted into the motherhood club. We don’t have a secret handshake, but we do wink at one another when see “first time” mothers packing too much stuff for the park.
Over the years, when I’ve given my opinion on parenting or mentioned what we do with my son, there’s this dismissiveness that comes from some parents with more than one child. As if I can’t possibly know what I’m talking about. They think I just don’t “get it.” Yes, I know that the experience is different when you have more than one child. I know it’s difficult, and I know I can’t possibly understand because having siblings and taking care of multiple children that aren’t your own just isn’t the same thing. Yes, okay, you are right.
I have, however, successfully kept my son alive for almost six years, so please don’t just dismiss me because you’ve decided being a parent of “one” isn’t real parenting. To me, it’s the equivalent of shaming a woman who has had a C-Section. For the record, I also had one of those. I didn’t get the mommy merit badge that time either, but I did end up with a perfectly healthy baby boy.