Weebly sent me an e-mail that asked “did you forget about us?” In truth, I had forgotten about good ole Mr. Weebly, so I clicked it open and looked at my stats. A lot of people read my blog. Since I write so sporadically, I was shocked when I saw the numbers. It claims they are “unique” visitors, which is relieving as I’m terrified of the idea that one individual is sitting and reading my posts over and over and over again. Either way…it…is…a…lot…of…pressure. Or, really, none at all since it might all be a lie. No one comments on my posts, so it’s possible that it’s weebly’s ploy to get me to go “gold” or whatever the term is that means it’s no longer free to post.
I do realize that for most people the standards for what we read are very low. I just finished two articles. One was about a baby born with two front teeth (terrified to the core of my very being) and the other was about the celebrity siblings you never knew existed. I am rather anti-celebrity, but I felt a solidarity with these unsung siblings, so I was sucked in for a moment. Advertisements kept popping up, so I didn’t get beyond Cameron’s sister— Chimene Diaz. Yes, you read that correctly, Chimene. That might possibly be the most unusual name I’ve ever not heard. I have no idea how you even pronounce that, but I’m sure what I’m thinking has to be wrong. If anyone knows how to pronounce it, please let me know. Does it rhyme with anything? (Right now, it’s a cross between Meanie and Chia pet in my head.)
I’ve been thinking a lot about the passage of time lately. It may be due to the fact that my 4-year-old reminds me every day that I’m thirty-six. In the taunting “You’re 36! You’re 36” fashion. I don’t know where kids learns that sing-song voice from. It’s so irritating. I’m not at all upset about being 36, but every time he sings it, I feel like I should be. I think if you sing anything in that voice, it becomes an insult. “You have lots of money! You have lots of money.” Or “You’re so pretty! You’re so pretty!” Okay, maybe not. It might just be the 36 thing.
I’m okay with it, really.
Overall, my life is in a good place. When life is good, you stop wishing that you could fast forward to the next thing. When I was younger, it seems that it was all that I did. “I can’t wait to graduate from college, to start teaching, to fall in love, to get married, to have a place of my own, to get out of this apartment, for Logan to sleep through the night, to get out of diapers, I can’t wait til…” At this stage in my life, I don’t have a single thing that I just can’t wait for.
Sounds kind of boring when I put it that way, but it doesn’t feel boring. It feels restful. Relieving.
I can’t decide if that’s bad or good, but in response, I just keep wishing that things won’t change. I know this is a completely absurd thought. I’ve asked Logan to stay four forever, and he has agreed. I’m skeptical that this will come to pass though, as he’s already grown an inch since we made that pact.
Don’t misunderstand, I want to keep growing intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Without growth, we become stagnant. Life would become stale. I guess I just wish I could do that and stay the same. I want to move forward while remaining right here. Um, yeah, okay.
I know what you are thinking…
Even if I stay put, other people are going to leave, move forward, drift from my life, and (gulp) die before I have a have a chance to say goodbye.
My best class(es) ever will end.
Our dream house will start to have a leaky roof, the worn look of age, and the carpets will need replaced.
So maybe…
That person who died is in peace and dancing with Jesus, but the hole in my heart feels like it won’t ever heal. I can’t imagine never speaking to you again in this life, hearing your voice, distinctive sneeze, laugh, sigh. Why does this have to be part of life?
And yes…
I’ll have new classes and new students, but I really like this one. And I swear that I’ll never have another class like this one again (until I do…)
It’s possible…
I’ll like the new carpet better, but it won’t have the Logan’s grape juice stain in the corner and it didn’t greet us that first day when we knew that this was “the one.”
I know…
Things have to move forward, but I hope I get to have “what is” for at least a little while longer.
And I pray for strength and grace to handle all that change that’s coming my way.
I’m feeling that sweet sadness of life right now. The having pain to know joy deal.
I do realize that for most people the standards for what we read are very low. I just finished two articles. One was about a baby born with two front teeth (terrified to the core of my very being) and the other was about the celebrity siblings you never knew existed. I am rather anti-celebrity, but I felt a solidarity with these unsung siblings, so I was sucked in for a moment. Advertisements kept popping up, so I didn’t get beyond Cameron’s sister— Chimene Diaz. Yes, you read that correctly, Chimene. That might possibly be the most unusual name I’ve ever not heard. I have no idea how you even pronounce that, but I’m sure what I’m thinking has to be wrong. If anyone knows how to pronounce it, please let me know. Does it rhyme with anything? (Right now, it’s a cross between Meanie and Chia pet in my head.)
I’ve been thinking a lot about the passage of time lately. It may be due to the fact that my 4-year-old reminds me every day that I’m thirty-six. In the taunting “You’re 36! You’re 36” fashion. I don’t know where kids learns that sing-song voice from. It’s so irritating. I’m not at all upset about being 36, but every time he sings it, I feel like I should be. I think if you sing anything in that voice, it becomes an insult. “You have lots of money! You have lots of money.” Or “You’re so pretty! You’re so pretty!” Okay, maybe not. It might just be the 36 thing.
I’m okay with it, really.
Overall, my life is in a good place. When life is good, you stop wishing that you could fast forward to the next thing. When I was younger, it seems that it was all that I did. “I can’t wait to graduate from college, to start teaching, to fall in love, to get married, to have a place of my own, to get out of this apartment, for Logan to sleep through the night, to get out of diapers, I can’t wait til…” At this stage in my life, I don’t have a single thing that I just can’t wait for.
Sounds kind of boring when I put it that way, but it doesn’t feel boring. It feels restful. Relieving.
I can’t decide if that’s bad or good, but in response, I just keep wishing that things won’t change. I know this is a completely absurd thought. I’ve asked Logan to stay four forever, and he has agreed. I’m skeptical that this will come to pass though, as he’s already grown an inch since we made that pact.
Don’t misunderstand, I want to keep growing intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Without growth, we become stagnant. Life would become stale. I guess I just wish I could do that and stay the same. I want to move forward while remaining right here. Um, yeah, okay.
I know what you are thinking…
Even if I stay put, other people are going to leave, move forward, drift from my life, and (gulp) die before I have a have a chance to say goodbye.
My best class(es) ever will end.
Our dream house will start to have a leaky roof, the worn look of age, and the carpets will need replaced.
So maybe…
That person who died is in peace and dancing with Jesus, but the hole in my heart feels like it won’t ever heal. I can’t imagine never speaking to you again in this life, hearing your voice, distinctive sneeze, laugh, sigh. Why does this have to be part of life?
And yes…
I’ll have new classes and new students, but I really like this one. And I swear that I’ll never have another class like this one again (until I do…)
It’s possible…
I’ll like the new carpet better, but it won’t have the Logan’s grape juice stain in the corner and it didn’t greet us that first day when we knew that this was “the one.”
I know…
Things have to move forward, but I hope I get to have “what is” for at least a little while longer.
And I pray for strength and grace to handle all that change that’s coming my way.
I’m feeling that sweet sadness of life right now. The having pain to know joy deal.